Read all about (sh)it!

Still buzzing with rediscovered for the art of blogging, I thought I would go to the tried and tested review of today's papers. I then had a scout around, and thought it far better to review just one paper's output for the day. I may even make this a regular thing, rotating between the finest publications of du jour (as they probably miss-spell in France).


This week, I am proud to be reviewing the Mail on Sunday. By way of introduction, its probably fair to say that the Mail tends to have a pro-Conservative/anti-Labour flavour... all with fervent support of what makes Britain Great (and loathing for anything that could in any way undermine it).


My favourite story of the day has to be: "The pups of war" What more could your average Mail reader want on a Sunday, but a detailed account of how good old British Tommys are taking time out from battling the terrors of the Taliban, to look after puppies? I am no animal hater, but it is a little frustrating that the British seem to give more of a toss about dogs than their fellow man. Perhaps that's the reason why I have a pet snake... the very notion seems to repel some of the sort of people I have no wish to know!


Having just scrolled to the end of this lengthy piece to try and work out who the frigging author was, I was faced with this surreal preview to the next part in the piece: "NEXT WEEK: The Army engineer panicked and shot the gentle giant dead. Now I wanted to kill him." I have to be honest... there's a good chance I'll look into this again to find out what the hell happened next!
If you do read this article though, please make sure you check out the comments at the end. I swear I didn't post these!


- "You guys are what 'we' are all about. Thank you my friend! Bob Baillie, Southampton" [Just what's this "we" business... I can't help but feel that this is some veiled reference to the difference between jolly old Britannia, as opposed to those Taliban johnnies!]
- "What a wonderful but heartbreaking story. I do wish the media would report more on beautiful stories like this one! What an amazing man. Poppy, Lindon" [Anyone else agree with Poppy, that the media shouldn't focus on all those depressing Afghan civilian deaths and that whole dreary War on Terror, and instead focus on this Bravo Two Zero/Spot's First Christmas hybrid? Anyone?]
- "Best story in the paper today [no argument here!].....Well done daily mail. better than reading about two and a 1/2 billion going to Russian crooks and Bottler giving another two billion to the banks. etc etc- Roge Wheeler, Mexico" [Now hold on a minute Roge, if that is your real name... why are you reading a newspaper if you aren't interested in current affairs, and just want to read saccharine bilge about fwuffy puppies?]


Right, I think it's best to move onto another story before I feel the urge to go and punt a pooch simply to anger these numbskulls.


Moving on, let's bask in the warming glow of anger directed at the BBC's relocation package for employees moving to Manchester. I find this just generally amusing, as it's fairly standard for large companies to offer financial assistance when employees are relocating. I of course wouldn't know this, as I only work for penny-pinching bastardos who are reluctant to pay me for working 60 hour weeks, let alone the cost of a new doormat. The real beauty if the annoyance of "The TaxPayers' Alliance (who) described the package as 'a slap in the face to the ordinary taxpayer forced to subsidise such generosity when they are facing the consequences of hard economic times.'


Now hold on for just a second... firstly, who the chuff are the "Taxpayers' Alliance?" As a taxpayer myself, when was this set up and where the hell was my invitation. Secondly, from a strictly grammatical perspective (foolish me for thinking a national newspaper would be correct on these points) is this really an alliance that belongs to taxpayers? Then finally, what does it have to do with them anyway? The license fee is not actually a tax, so you have about as much right to comment on this as you do about the presence of gherkins in a Big Mac!


Sadly there have been no comments on this story, as I was waiting for some herbert from Bedfordshire to make some snooty comment about the price of fabrics in the Northlands. Sadly I'm disappointed. Just shows though... if there's no puppies, you just don't care.


Speaking of puppies... if you fancy ogling surgically crafted sag-bags, have a look at the News of the Screws' journalistic masterpiece on Kerry Katona. She now has tits like Evan Davies' eyes.


So that's about all the news that the Mail sees fit to print. It seems to have totally ignored anything outside the shores of dear old Blighty, and has made absolutely NO reference to the ceasefire between Hamas and those wacky fun-loving Israelis. Well let's face it. The only way a paper can report that is to show compassion for innocent arabs who've been disproportionately twatted by the IDF... which flies in the face of all this paper holds dear!


All told... you'd get more hardhitting journalism in Bella!